MARCH IS ALWAYS good for one thing – reminding us how much we can’t wait for the summer movies to roll out in May. The offerings for the first weekend of this below-average month are sparse indeed. “The Lorax,” an animated adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book, has been updated to include a plotline about puppy love and plenty of bathroom jokes. As fans of the original, we are unimpressed — although previous Seuss adaptations have done well, though, so look to “The Lorax” to win the weekend. At the very least our next contestant, “Hansel and Gretel,” has the camp factor: it knows it’s ridiculous. Starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterson, the film imagines what would happen if Hansel and Gretel took revenge fifteen years after the fact. The release date has already been pushed back multiple times, and without much buzz no trailer out yet, we’re not seeing big cash for this one. “Project X” – brought to you by the creators of “The Hangover” – is basically, well, “The Hangover” for high school students (e.g. nerdy guys throw an awesome party, crazy stuff happens, etc.). However it has a frenetic handheld-documentary feel that makes it a weird rehash of, like, “Cloverfield.” Totally weird. “The Lorax” may break the low teens, but we see single-digit flops for the bizarre “Hansel” and “Project X.”

Note: "Hansel and Gretel" has been pushed to 2013; all bets for this topic have been refunded.